5 Things Not To Say When Caring For An Aging Senior Living With Alzheimer’s
Caring for a senior loved one who has Alzheimer’s disease is one of the greatest challenges you could face. It has quite an emotional impact on yourself and other family members. Especially if you are conversing with your senior loved one and you see the frustration, confusion, and painful experience that is unfolding as it happens. The important thing to note is that what we say and how we say it carries a bit more weight than you realize.
You may unintentionally say the wrong words, leading to disorientation, fear, or stress. However, knowing what to say can help you communicate with your senior loved one using an approach that memory care staff members use. It is patient, understanding, and empathetic. There are five common phrases that should be avoided at all times to ensure a more positive and supportive interaction with them.
1. “Don’t you remember?”
This question may be asked in a way where it may be done out of surprise or concern. The reality is that your senior loved one may not remember something that carries significance. Asking “don’t you remember” can lead to embarrassment, frustration, and confusion. It is important to reintroduce the topic with a gentle approach. For example, try saying the following:
“It’s okay. Let me say it again. Last week we went to your favorite spot by the lake and had a picnic.”
You can provide them with a context-centric approach while also making sure you’re protecting their dignity. By recalling those events to them in a short, detail-rich approach, this may help your senior loved one.
2. “You just told me that!”
One of the most common symptoms of Alzheimer’s and other forms of dementia is repeating questions or stories. Answering the same questions multiple times may get frustrating on your end. However, reminding them that they repeat themselves often can cause frustration, agitation, and other unnecessary distress. There is a better way to approach this situation.
Complement them. For example, “that is such a nice memory, thank you for sharing it with me” is a compassionate way to respond. Reassurance, redirection, or just answering the question can be the best possible course of action, even if your senior loved one has asked it repeatedly.
3. “You’re wrong” or “That didn’t happen”
Contrary to popular belief, correcting someone with Alzheimer’s is not as helpful as many assume it to be. What results in is confusion and emotional upset, which can really strain relationships between your senior loved one, yourself, and other family members. One thing to remember is that their sense of reality constantly shifts. Challenging what they believe is true in the moment can create this tension that can lead to you regretting it.
Validating your senior loved one’s emotions, even if their facts are off, is the better approach. For example, they may say that someone who has passed away is still alive. In this situation, you can say the following:
“Tell me more about them. What’s your favorite memories that you have?”
You can acknowledge their feelings and give them the opportunity to connect. This approach doesn’t reinforce false beliefs, but it will give you a chance to help them talk about some of the most important parts of their life with that one person they talk about.
4. “You’re not making any sense”
Your senior loved one will eventually experience advanced stages of Alzheimer’s. By this point, the conversations may be more confusing and fragmented. This may lead to you saying that they are not making any sense. As a result, they may feel ashamed or discouraged from having conversations or even engage in any activities. Focus more on emotional connection rather than perfect communication including the tone and emotion they are using instead of the exact words.
One great way to approach this is: “It sounds like something’s bothering you. Do you want to sit and talk for a while?” At the same time, consider observing their body language, eye contact, and tone of voice as these are subtle things to pay attention to when they are conversing with you. Memory care communities have staff members who pay attention to detail like no other when observing such behaviors and non-verbal cues. You can learn from them about how to interact and pay attention to your senior loved one during visits.
5. “You can’t do that anymore”
Your senior loved one may not be able to do things safely on their own anymore when dealing with Alzheimer’s. Telling them “you can’t” can be demeaning and rob them of their independence. However, redirecting them with a sense of purpose in mind, such as suggesting that they should do a task together can be the best way forward. This can preserve self-esteem, inclusion, and dignity.
Give Your Loved One The Comfort And Care They Deserve At Mirabella
At Mirabella, our specially trained staff understand the challenges of caring for a senior loved one with Alzheimer’s. They are also trained to communicate with them using gentle approaches and know the right things to say. If you have any questions on how we can assist you and your senior loved one, contact us today.
